i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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