the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
