come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
