remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
