I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
