Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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