I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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