I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
