Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
