Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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