there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When are your genitals available?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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