Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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