I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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