she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
