Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You pole danced in your parka.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
