Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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