I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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