I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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