I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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