He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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