I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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