i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
