I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
