It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
