I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You smell like stripper and shame
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
