My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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