I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
how do you play pong handcuffed?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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