just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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