Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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