No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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