So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
