Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
