My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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