Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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