You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
