I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
