I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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