we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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