He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
