My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
