Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
