I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
