I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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