felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
