SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
