Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
