Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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