I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
