it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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