Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
why do cheetos always look like penises
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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