On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
