i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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