break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
