I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
