if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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