Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
