its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
