At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
