don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
