Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
