Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
