Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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