I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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