Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
