No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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