dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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